Take a Chance
by BlakeRB
Summary: This story takes part after 5x10. Gail and Holly break up, but will they get back together?
1. Chapter 1

Note: _This is my version of the scene after 5x10! It has no happy ending, at least not right now. I think this is a possibility, how it could end even if its a bad one. This is my first fic and I have to warn you English isn't my first language, so there could be lots of errors._

* * *

Gail stood in front of Holly's house, not knowing how she should handle this whole situation. She had accepted that it was over between them, as Holly walked away, leaving her standing in the hallway of the police station, with the same words Nick used, when they broke up. She had hurt all those weeks trying to get over them, but in her heart she knew she would never get fully over Holly. Holly was the first person she had this kind of deep connection that everyone was talking about and everyone wanted to find. In a way she thought of Holly as her first love. Sure she had loved Chris and Nick, but in a different kind of way. In retrospect Gail knew it was because she was a lesbian and there was no chance that she could have made a real connection with the two of them, at least not at the romantic level. Her past relationships had vanished in comparison to the short relationship she had had with the beautiful brunette woman, who was probably waiting for her right now.

These past weeks Gail tried to get over Holly as best as she could and accepted her failure. She has just begun to make the right decisions and right now it was to go through with the adoption of Sophie. A smile crossed her face, when she thought of this beautiful girl she was planning to be a mother for. She was so open-minded, so full of faith that sometimes it took her breath away.

Despite her absolutely wrong timing, Gail knew in her heart that this was the right thing to do. She would try to give Sophie everything this little girl deserved and needed. The love she deserved, the person who would look after her and who took care of her and she had no doubt that she would get back every effort she would make, because this the kind of person Sophie was. The little girl deserved the world and she would try to give it to her.

Over the years Gail had seen many bad destinies in her kind of work. She never had an actual chance to change something, to make something better. This was her chance. She could influence Sophie's fate and take it to a better path. It just felt incredibly right to do it.

Gail knew that it wouldn't be easy and she would have to hold her breath for a long time since the adoption was closed, especially working as a police officer. The long hours, the mentally exhausting work, but other officers did it on a daily basis and she was sure she would, too.

Sophie had changed her, she made her a better person, a caring person. Well, that was not entirely true. Holly started it and because of Sophie she had faith, that she could do it. She had faith that the world wasn't a bad place after all and that her life could get better.

But this left her at the point she was right now. Should she try to work things out between Holly and her? Holly was clearly giving her another chance. But would it be wise to throw dating into the mix, when she just started to build up her own life with Sophie? Her first priority should be Sophie, because that was what she deserved. For the first time in her life, she was about to put another person before herself. She was about to put Sophie's needs before her own.

It was all so confusing right now. Her heart yearned to get beck with the woman she fell so madly in love with, but she had other things to consider now, too. A few weeks ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. That was of course the case that Holly wanted to be with her, after she found out about her adoption plans.

Gail shook her head trying to clear her mind. She needed to do this as rationally as she could, if that was even possible. Taking a deep breath she rang the bell, waiting for Holly to open the door.

* * *

"Hey.", she greeted smiling slightly, as Holly answered the door.

"Hey." Holly returned her smile and closed the distance between them, pulling Gail into herself. She inhaled deeply the familiar smell of the blonde. "I have missed you so much!", she breathed into her shoulder.

"Yeah, me too."

Holly felt that something was quite off at this moment, as if Gail was holding back, but she thought it was because they haven't talked about their relationship yet. It was comforting to hold her in her arms again, but a wary feeling was building in her stomach. Gail was acting so differently, then she would have expected. But she didn't know what she expected at all. Holly tried to shrug it off, for the moment she was just glad that Gail showed up at all. They would have that "talk" later.

"Dinner is almost ready. Make yourself at home.", she said, when she withdrew from the embrace and closed the door behind them.

Holly rushed back into the kitchen area, preparing their plates and took them to the table. Gail was already sitting at her place with a glas of red wine, she had poured herself and Holly.

"So how was your day?", Holly tried to make normal conversation, but the tension that was building again was driving her crazy.

"It was good actually." Gail smiled, reaching for her glas.

Holly took a deep breath, there was no way she could eat with the big elephant in the room. It was now or nether. She made it clear that she wanted another chance to make things work between them. She had been miserable these last few month and she wanted badly to make things up. Holly loved Gail. She was this amazing person who took no crap from anyone with a healthy disrespect to the world.

Holly folded her hands in her lap. "I'm so sorry Gail!" she started.

"I didn't mean to ambush you yesterday. This... This whole situation is so messed up, but I want to make it right." Holly said watching Gail intently. The other woman hadn't reacted yet. Holly was unable to read her expression.

"When you left at the Penny, I was so hurt. Maybe I should have defended us. But you are this amazing person and I wanted to make it work with you. I haven't felt so much for a woman in a very long time and I… I just wanted to take it slow, so that we could make it right. But after you hadn't picked up my calls or answered my messages I thought it was over and I started to date again, to get over you. "

Holly took a break from her speech and took a sip of wine.

"Which was not working at all! I want to be with you Gail! I have fallen so madly in love with you and I want to make it right again between us."

Holly observed her, while she was waiting for Gail to say something. As Gail looked into her eyes she saw the tears gathering in them.

Gail sighed and closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands.

"I want to be with you, too.", she said, locking with Holly's eyes. "But I don't know, if it's the right thing to do anymore."

Holly just nodded. This whole situation was messed up, they had both made mistakes, but she wanted to take a chance. She knew it was a long shot getting back together with Gail, but she needed to take it anyway. The way Gail reacted at the interrogation room had put up her hopes of a reconciliation between them.

"Why?" Was the only thing Holly could come up with.

"Many things have changed Holly. I have changed."

"Then what is it?" The tension between them was unbearable. The nagging feeling inside of her was driving her crazy. There had to be a reason why Gail was acting this way. But things couldn't have changed so fast, right? It was barly two month since the whole thing happened.

"I'm going to adopt a child, Holly."

Holly was still deep in her thoughts, when Gail spoke again. She thought she hadn't heard right.

"What?" Holly watched Gail confused, waiting for her to speak again.

"I'm adopting a kid." Gail repeated watching Holly the whole time, while she let the words get settled in.

Many different thoughts were crossing Holly's mind, from suprise to doubt to denail. When she let the words repeat in her mind, she was taken aback. Of all the reasons she expected this was the last one. What could have happened that the blonde would take such a big decision? At first she wanted to ask Gail if she had lost her mind, but the look on Gail's face, showed her, that this wasn't a step she took lightly. The blonde had thought this thing threw.

"But why? I mean…"

"When we were broken up, I worked on a case, where a woman was accidently killed by a bullet. She left a child behind. A beautiful girl. I-I couldn't get this case out of my head and I want to take this chance, Holly. I want to give this kid, Sophie, the life she deserves."

"But?" – Holly couldn't understand this whole situation, it had taken such an unexpected turn. The brunette didn't know how she should handle this. She wanted to be with Gail, to fix their relationship, but a child?

"It's not meant as an accusation. But you changed me Holly. You made me want to try harder to be a better person. You made me see that I could do it and in a way you showed me who I was and I am very grateful for that."

The tears, which were gathering the whole conversation, started to run down Gail's face. Holly couldn't hold her own back anymore, too. It was over. Gail made it clear between the lines, that she didn't want a relationship anymore. She had come to late. Maybe when she had made up her mind a little sooner, they would had have a chance, but right now it was over. She wanted to have kids at some point in her life, with the woman she loved but not right now. It would be a hell of a job, building up their relationship and starting to be a mother for a kid. Gail really had matured to a point were she wanted to adopt a child. Holly was proud of her, this was the woman she wanted to have in the first place, but at the same time she was so unbelievable sad.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. This girl deserves to be happy and I will try everything I could to make her happy!" Gail looked her sternly into the eyes, tears still rolling down her face. Her voice was even so. Holly knew Gail had made up her mind. There was no way she could get Gail to change her mind. It was in her eyes she wanted this.

"And believe me this is hard for me too, Holly. Because you are the first person who really saw me for me and who I fell in love with." Gail sighed.

"I know it's not fair to say that to you, right now, but I needed you to know."

At this words Gail stood up. "We both messed this relationship up." She said, as she walked over to Holly.

"But I am going to build my life with Sophie and I can't throw dating into that mix. And let's be honest I have a lot to learn to be an adult." Gail tried to smile, but failed miserably.

"My first priority will be Sophie and I can't make you wait Holly! You deserve someone, who makes you first in her life and I can't give you that. Not now."

Gail pulled Holly up and threw her arms around her.

"I'm so so sorry, Holly!" She slowly kissed Holly's swollen lips. "I love you so much, but I need to do this for myself and for Sophie. I need to take a chance."

"Gosh, this hurt." Gail whispered, as she parted their lips and she look at Holly. "I still love you."

Holly was sobbing freely now, embracing Gail tightly in her arms.

"I love you, too."

She finally broke the contact between them and locked eyes with Gail again. She knew this was the right decision, but it hurt nonetheless. They as a couple were in no position to adopt a child and it would be too hard for her and Gail to make it work, while she had to go through the adoption process.

She took Gail's face in her hands and kissed her one last time.

Gail withdrew herself from Holly and put on her jacket. One last time she gripped Holly's hands and let their eyes lock.

"Goodnight, Holly."

Gail walked out of her house.


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing.

Note: _So I've decided to give this story a shot and I'll try to show how Holly and Gail will deal with the new situation. Be warned I don't have a beta yet, so there will be a few errors._

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The cold air of the night helped to clear her mind, while she was leaning against Holly's front door. Tears were burning hot on her face. Gail knew this was the right decision, but that didn't stop her from hurting, because she was leaving the person behind she loved. Holly was the sweetest, most amazing person she had ever met. She was unbelievably sexy, but also smart and caring. The brunette had accomplished something that nobody had ever done before, she somehow managed to get past her defense-mechanism Gail had built around herself. She didn't know when it happened, but it did. And Gail was glad she did, because Holly had shown her that there was someone who actually loved her as a person and accepted her, no need for the icy masquerade she had to put on on a daily basis. She gave her the feeling that her vulnerability wasn't a weakness. It was simply human, to let herself go sometimes and let someone else take care for her once in a while. And so she did. The doctor checked on her on the day Ford was running amok. She took care of her when she freaked out in the bathroom cutting all her hair. She helped her sleep at the night, when the nightmares returned because of the Ford incident. She was simply there for her. Gail hadn't experienced something like that.

Gail chuckled at the thought of her parents. They weren't there when she needed them. Nick and Chris they tried to be there, but she somehow couldn't let them. She didn't know why. Maybe because she knew that they weren't right for her.

But Holly she was different. More surprising was that even after all this time Holly had given her a second chance, because Holly loved her. Weeks ago Gail would have jumped at the opportunity, but not anymore.

She was sacrificing her relationship with Holly for Sophie, but she needed this. Gail needed something good and pure in her life and if she would at least try to make this work with Sophie, if she got through with the adoption, otherwise she would regret it for the rest of her life.

Finally, Gail brought up the energy to leave Holly's porch, brushing the tears away. Wondering what her future would bring to her and if she was given the chance to be a mom to Sophie, she walked to her car. She wanted them both, Sophie and Holly, but she was only human and juggling a relationship and being a mother at the same time, was deemed for failure, at least in her case, because she had a lot growing up to do on her own.

A few months ago it was unthinkable of her to adopt a child. The blonde was wandering aimlessly through her life without ambition, like her mother used to say. She didn't even want to think about the future at that point, because the plan her mother had for her was not hers at all. Gail didn't know what she wanted. Now, it was different. She wanted Sophie to be in her life. The adoption process would be hard and she didn't want to get up her hopes so much, but she had to try anyway.

The lights were flowing past her quickly. Gail drove purly on autopilot still deep in thought. She felt like she was leaving a part of herself behind, but at somepoint the blonde would get over it. It felt like she was missing a limb, but it would fade at some point she was sure of it.

* * *

Holly sat at the table starring out of the window into the dark of the night. The last month had been horribly, it was a constant struggle to get her life back, to get over Gail. She had known from the beginning that Gail was special. The brunette had never met someone like her before. This unapproachable woman with the prickly exterior who was also kind and soft and so full of love at the same time. She couldn't think of enough words to describe her. Gail was simply amazing. The time with her was one of the most exciting times in her life.

Holly was in the front row to witness the change in her ex-girlfriend. It was small, but it was there and she had seen it and it had amazed her nonetheless. God, she loved this woman and it was nearly killing her that the path in both lifes was so different that they couldn't be together.

But Holly couldn't be a mother, at least not right now. It was simply too much. She had studied for a long time and despite sounding extremely selfishly she wanted to live her life a little bit before she would take the responsibility of a child. It wasn't for her right now, she just wanted to take care of her own life and if she would pursue this relationship with Gail, she would have no choice but to be involved. Gail wouldn't be able to handle the demanding task to manage both of them alone.

Holly accepted her decision and she knew it was the right one, but it felt so incredibly wrong because she was yearning after her and her heart told her to make up with Gail, to beg her not to leave her.

Both of them had ruined their relationship, there was no denying that. Gail by leaving her in front of her friends without even giving the opportunity to talk about it and Holly by didn't giving her a second chance, when Gail was finally able to get over herself. This was what she regretted the most, not giving Gail a second chance, when the blonde tried to apologize. But she was simply too late. Holly had started to date again and the moment Gail stood in front of her saying those incredibly words. She was proud of her nontheless, but she couldn't just dump the woman she was with, to throw herself back into the arms of the blonde. It was not who she was.

With denying her the chance to apologize, she had forced the officer to open up to her and she was glad Gail did. But at the time it wasn't enough and now it was too late.

Yesterday Holly had been so glad that Gail appeared to be willing to make things right, but it was just the heat of the moment. The reason the brunette went to the station with that terrible excuse for a lie was to talk to her, but she hadn't seen her in so long, that she needed to feel her. Her self-control had been very low, because she was so worked up by bringing up the nerve to show up at the station and the fact that she tried to imagine how Gail would react had influenced her behavior, too.

When she laid eyes on her, the surprise evident in Gail's face, she could barely stop herself from kissing her in the hallway. When the door of the interrogation room was closed there was no stopping her. She needed to feel her and that's what she did, those lips and those softness everything came crashing down and she felt alive again. Holly had skipped one step, it was a bad habbit she had. In all parts of her life she was calm and cool, but when it came to her love life, she sometimes skipped steps or handled situations so badly. That's how she messed up her relationship before Gail, too.

Holly brushed her tears away and took the untouched diner, she had prepared back into the kitchen. That was not something she had imagined at all. Life was so unpredictable sometimes.


End file.
